Day 86 - Planning a Trip

Start spreading the news, my holiday to New York is just 2 days away. That’s right I am going to New York, that concrete jungle where dreams are made of. If all goes well, by Saturday evening I will be a Welshman in New York.  I am pretty excited but everyone keeps asking me what my plan is while I’m there. Now I want to have a plan, I don’t want to just be aimless  and in the end miss everything, but planning the trip is making me feel dizzy. There seems to so much to know, so much to take in. The city seems vast and scary and the subway system looks unfathomable. Without being there and knowing the scale it is difficult for me to get a grasp of the city and what I can fit into a day. So if I am a little grumpy, it might be because I am trying to work out what I am going to do in the Big Apple.

Oh and did I mention, I’m going to NEW YORK BABY.

Day 85 - Rail Replacement Bus Service

I think it has been about 8 years since I have been coming to Ceske Budejovice. I probably come about 4 or 5 times a year so lets say I’ve come about 32 times in that 8 years. If I had a crown for every time I’ve had to get off the train at some country station, climb on a bus and then off again at the next station and back on a train, then the coffee I am drinking now would be paid for and I might even have a crown to give to the beggar outside. 

People in Britain often complain about the rail replacement service, in fact if comedians want an easy laugh and they’ve used their ‘unexpected item in the bagging area’ line, then they go for the rail ‘replacement bus service’ line. Now I guess I am lucky, trains in this country trains often run slower than they should because of engineering works but the ones I get are rarely replaced by buses, so I shouldn’t grumble. But just because I shouldn’t doesn’t mean I won’t. 

8 years. This is a distance of about 150 kilometres. I reckon they could have replaced and electrified the whole track 3 times over in this time. But still they are working; still they are replacing the rail service with a bus. What is going on? Someone is getting very rich out of this no doubt.

Day 84 - Strawberries

As some of you know I have been advised to lower my cholesterol and lose a bit of weight, which has been going pretty well if I am honest. One thing the docs advise is to eat more fruits and veg. This is never easy for me as I am not a huge fan of vegetables. I am like a three year old when it comes to food, carrots, parsnips, cauliflower and cabbage are evil things sent to punish us while turkey twizzlers and chicken nuggets are manna from heaven. It;s not easy having the palette of a child but sometimes it’s fun.  Obviously getting my 5 a day is easier in the summer when the shops are full of blueberries and strawberries that are plump and ripe and full of goodness. But at this time of year the berries have been replaced with rotting apples and pears and ill looking plums and so getting my 5 a day becomes a lot more challenging. So imagine my glee when I spotted strawberries in Tesco yesterday. And what’s more they looked good.
But looks can be deceiving. The strawberries were bright pink in colour, not quite ripe, yet somehow they were already rotting, already squishy, already growing mould. 50 crowns they charged me for the privilege of buying but not eating a punnet of genetically modified fruit with the shelf life of a fruit fly. 

Day 83 Over attentive staff

Dear Coffee Company – Eden SHopping Centre

I am writing to you to congratulate you on your attentive and polite staff in your coffee shop in the Eden shopping centre in Prague. It is just a shame that they only show their skills once it is too late.

I am a patient man, that might surprise some people who’ve known me a while, but I find as I get old I get more patient. I’ve had nearly 23 million minutes on this earth so a five minute wait here or a few minutes there is nothing really in the general scheme of things. However, I get less patient when people are not doing their job properly and so the delay is wilful rather than accidental. Let me explain.

Today I decided a nice 20 minute break to would be perfect before doing my weekly shop in Tesco. I’d use the time to watch the world go by, drink a coffee and maybe write a story.  So I sat in your establishment and waited to be served. The café was empty apart from one other customer and three members of staff. That’s right the staff outnumbered us 3-2. The staff said hello to me on arrival but then proceeded to do nothing. So I sat, I waited, I started writing a story,  I looked up, waited, tried to catch someone’s eye, waited a bit more. 

Then having had the rest that I wanted and having formed some ideas for a story I decided I didn’t really need a coffee and left. 2 out of 3 aims had been achieved, not bad. 

It was as I was putting my jacket on that your staff leapt into action. Suddenly I had the full and undivided attention of two baristas. I was like a barista magnet so strong was the pull. It was like I was their best friend, a customer with a gold loyalty card.

As they had greeted me when I walked in I am not sure they can use the excuse they didn’t notice me and as there was only one other customer I am not sure they can claim they were rushed off their feet and as they were so nice to me as I was leaving I don’t think they can claim incompetence either. This means their behaviour can only be put down to wilful laziness. 

So, well done for employing staff who really can make a customer feel special, but please remind them they should do this when the customer arrives not when the customer leaves in a fit of pique.

Thank you

Gareth

P.S. After storming out I realised I left my jumper there. Please as a gesture of good will can you return it to the following address. 

Day 82 Gym Chuggers.

At the front of my local shopping centre is a kiosk for a fitness centre. All around it, beautiful young things try to entice less beautiful, less young but more 'thing' shoppers to part with their credit card details and sign away their souls to the devil that is gym membership. Now why is this being brought up on my 100 days of grumpiness blog I hear you ask. Well, I’ll tell you. Today one of those beautiful people had the cheek to stop me to see if I would like to sign up. I was, as usual, making my grumpy way towards Tesco, head down, headphones in, minding my own business. There was nothing about my body language that said I would welcome an intrusion, that I would enjoy being badgered by theses Gym muggers. How dare these beautiful young things think they can invade people’s privacy uninvited? It’s typical of the modern world where people think their time is more valuable than yours. So beautiful young things if you are reading this, next time I come into the shopping centre I suggest you give me a wide berth.

If you recognise this check out day 3  :-)