Thursday 31 July 2014

Day 3 Gym Chuggers

At the front of my local shopping centre is a kiosk for a fitness centre. All around it beautiful young things try to entice, less beautiful, less young but more thing shoppers to part with their credit card details and sign away their souls to the devil that is gym membership. Now why is this being brought up on my 100 days of grumpiness blog I hear you ask. Well, I’ll tell you. The beautiful people always ignore me, it is as if I am not there, invisible, see through. Now don’t get me wrong, I am not desperate for a gym membership, and if I was, I am big enough and ugly enough to speak to them myself, no the thing causing my perturbation is that fact that I don’t even get asked. Every other Tom, Dick and Honza gets badgered but I am ignored. Why? I remember when I first started going to Brighton, about 10 years ago now, I would be pestered up and down the lanes by people giving out flyers to all the trendy clubs. On my last visit there I didn’t get offered one flyer. It was then I realised that I was too old for that town and my grey hair, beer belly and dodgy ankle would not be welcome in their clubs. This is a similar situation, but surely a slightly overweight, wheezing 40 something would be perfect for gym membership. I wonder how many men like me have signed up with enthusiasm only to never set foot in the place after the first or second time. So beautiful young things if you are reading this, next time I come into the shopping centre make sure you try to catch my eye and try to sell me a membership, you never know, I might just bite.

If you enjoyed this you might enjoy my short story blog, updated with a new story every weekday. Find it here.

Wednesday 30 July 2014

Day 2 Storms in Prague

Okay so it is stifling hot, not sunshine hot but humid hot, the type of hot that a mere movement causes you to sweat buckets . The kind of day when you don’t need a wee all day despite drinking loads of water which makes you realise you are sweating wee. Then the wind picks up, the storm clouds gather and you hope for some fresher air once the storm passes. But the rain is warm, hotter than the shower water this morning and falling from the air with as much power. But beware if you are on a tram in Prague during a storm. God forbid any Czech should get wet so the windows are slammed shut as soon as the first drop of rain has evaporated on the baking concrete. By the time the downpour has reached full flow the tram is like a sauna except thankfully people have kept their clothes on especially the big biker in front of me. So the storm rolled passed emptying litres of water onto our parched streets and leaving just a breath of fresh air but not a lot more.

If you enjoyed this you might enjoy my short story blog, updated with a new story every weekday. Find it here.

Tuesday 29 July 2014

Day 1 100 days of happiness

I’ve decided to write a new blog called one hundred days of grumpiness to counteract all of those 100 days of happiness memes on Facebook. I truly believe that the 100 days of happiness actually make people more miserable, Why? Well when the only happy thing in someone’s life is putting on a different pair of shoes then they need to take a long hard look at themselves and maybe make a few changes in their lives. 100 days of happiness is not about the person doing it, it’s about everyone else because no one wants to read about your misfortune on Facebook, everyone wants social media to be a cloud cuckoo land type place where everyone is happy and jolly and there are no problems. (Yes I have just watched the lego movie.) So if you are doing 100 days of happy remember it’s not about you, it’s about me. Make me smile, lie if you have to, make it up. In the meantime I will spend 100 days ranting and raving about the little things in life, and I bet it makes me a happier person. Why? Cos I am getting it out, not bottling it up. It’s good to talk and ranting can be cathartic. Also I bet it will make you happier too, why? Because of the schadenfreude of enjoying my misfortune, also it is good to know that you are not alone. So enjoy my 100 days, they may not be consecutive, they may not all be witty but I shall try and I promise there will be no pictures of mine or other people’s legs. 

If you enjoyed this you might enjoy my short story blog, updated with a new story every weekday. Find it here.