Day 42 - Royal Shenanigans

So the Duchess of Cambridge is pregnant again. Christ I want to bury my head in the sand and disappear for the next 7 months or however long it is. 7 months of pointless speculation, the sex, the name, the date, the place they conceived. Then when it is due that nonsense from outside the hospital, ’ there’s no news yet but when there is we will be the first ones to bring it to you’.  Then after the birth we can look forward to months of sycophantic cooing from the so-called impartial press that will not question the cost of another expensive mouth to feed, or the indulgence and sheer snobbery of another royal christening but will just celebrate this ‘joyous' news.

My Facebook feed is already over flowing with little people in nappies, in onesies and in first school uniforms, but that’s okay because these are the offspring of my friends, my loved ones etc. (no that wasn’t said through gritted teeth, honest.)  But now the press will be full of similar photos of a child that is just a drain on the public finances, not to mention the UKIP voting grandma’s from Maidstone who will celebrate the event with a red white and blue tea party. 

Oh what a coincidence they announce it now, just as the Scottish Yes vote is closing in on the No vote.
And 7 months, oh what another coincidence, the feel good baby of the century will just be born as the general election dawns. As everyone knows royal events give a popularity spike to the existing government, it’s almost as if David Cameron sired the child himself. I am off to dig a hole for my head.